Who does it hurt?

In a conversation I was having with a good friend of mine and he posed a question, “what does it matter if people want to believe in religious doctrine or faith and who does it hurt?” Now I understand the nature and context of the question, which was a particular mutual friend of ours who is very deep in the Christianity cult, and we discussed personal views of reality, truth, etc. The question is still lingering, who does it hurt? In the context of belief, it doesn’t hurt anyone that is within that circle. But outside that circle, well, that is a much different story, it can devastate.

In the context of my life it hurt lots of people. #1) the first person it hurt was me. I felt betrayed, lied to and manipulated. I went through the pain of releasing my past loved ones to the oblivion of uncertainty instead of the promise of heaven. I am still going through guilt that I've done the same to young people I ministered to. #2) the second person I hurt was my wife, she stood crying not understanding how I went from the statement of faith that guided my life, to one of doubt and regret because of it. (She is still a believer, though her ideas of what that is has change, at least she isn’t religious anymore. ) #3) another is, I hurt my family. I have very religious people in my family and the tradition runs deep so they take it as a failing on their part, a rebelling on me towards their personal savior.

Those are the top three, but there are more, much, much more. But what hit me the hardest was when I was uploading a video of my son’s first haircut; I realized who it hurts the most. It hurts the kids. Innocents are lost in early indoctrination. The churches of the world teach from a very early age who god is, and what man did to hurt god. They learn about Jesus and his death, by their hands. Ever seen ‘Jesus Camp’ ? This is how I grew up, I remember camp being awesome, it wasn’t this extreme, but looking back this is child abuse if it was in any other venue. Do a YouTube search of ‘Westboro Baptist Church’ and see what they are all about. The fact is, they have biblical reasons for doing what they do. See this two part video of ‘Nate Phelps’. There are other examples, and they are all on YouTube if you want to find out more.

Who does it hurt? Who doesn’t it hurt may be an easier question.

Too much wine...

Last night I had a conversation with one of my wife’s bff's husband. He is a good guy, smart and well educated. When we get together we usually talk about father things, grilling, sports, fishing, supporting our kids to explore their environment, if they should play sports or not, education, how to use different ways of positive and negative reinforcement of behavior, etc. He is devoted in going to church and he and his family never miss a Sunday. I usually don’t engage in religious conversations with people who aren’t close friends of mine so that my wife’s relationships aren’t hampered for my atheistic views. But because of too much wine, mixed with a lack of sleep I allowed his religious introjections to be challenged.

Now I could talk about my awesome zingers and attacks on his fallacies of logic. Or I could tell you how I commented on the parts where he contradicted himself, and how there are the same contradictions in the bible. But something hit me, like a ton of bricks, an idea so profound it left me sipping on my wine until my glass was once again an empty container. What was the idea you might be asking yourself? Well it was so simple it is embarrassing, I thought, why, what’s the point of this conversation? Clearly, it wasn’t to gain knowledge, it wasn’t to explore different thoughts and ideas; it wasn’t to engage in different philosophies or gain a deeper path to friendship. So what is the point? Why was I talking about this at all? Why did I give a shit at that moment that my conversational partner was in need of a deity, or a sociological group to hang out with on Sundays, a need to rationalize clear contradictions and/or searching for approval, maybe from me? The short answer is I’m not sure…

I realized I am holding to the resentment of organized religious dogma that consumed my life for so long. My lashing out at him was me lashing out at myself. I gave the same arguments, believed the same things and rationalized a god who had a prosperous plan for my life but was absent from the suffering of millions of fellow humans. I saw myself in him, and it pissed me off.

I’m going to have to work on that…

Post-Religious Stress Disorder

When returning from Iraq in 2005 I was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). As I've gone through the different treatments from psychologists, support groups, medication, self-medication, etc., I've managed to develop a handle on my condition. To compound the issue, war was the place I started to end the self-deception of faith in my life. What I realized was I truly didn't believe... I wanted to, and in a sense I still want to, but I didn't and don't. If I was interested in truth, honestly, then I would have to follow the evidence, wherever that leads.

I have done a lot of reading sense then in science, biology, cosmology, etc. in trying to figure out what the truth is for me. I am a fan of many YouTube atheists and free thinkers as well as believers (multiple faiths) and listen to the arguments believers have with non-believers, reading blogs and their comments. One theme I've noticed is the wondering why believers can't see what we see so I am going to offer up my perspective.

Guilt is an overwhelming theme for the body of Christ. They preach it hard core, mixed with fear; those are always the best sermons I gave. You are a sinner, you deserve death, you nailed Jesus to the cross, you break his heart every time you sin, and you are going to Hell. It sounds harsh right? Never underestimate the sugar on top, that’s right, forgiveness, it’s already there for you, just reach out and take it. Even though you break Jesus’ heart, he still forgives you, loves you, and wants you to live with him in paradise. It is an emotional rollercoaster of guilt, fear, and forgiveness that is intoxicating and instilled in us from the get go. It is a hard habit to break, the comradery of the sinning saints.

PRSD (Post-Religious Stress Disorder) this is how I see it in my life. There was and is anxiety for leaving what I believed, studied, and lived for 25 years of my life. I had to go through the guilt of condemning my loved ones who have passed away to death, no afterlife, no streets of gold and no eternity. I had to go through the anger of being lied to by people I love and respect. I had, and still do, go through the pain of losing friends and family who see me as fallen or forsaken. Mostly I have to deal with the anger at myself to being duped into remaining uneducated, and ignorant to what the world and universe really are. I have to deal with the responsibility that I lied to kids, and taught them the same things, duped them into feeling guilt and fear for their lives.

Christians, for the most part, are good, caring, and honest people. They are charitable and giving. They are smart, logical and well educated in what they’ve been taught to be important. But they have baggage, lots of it. And when you wonder why they don’t see what you see, it’s because it’s hard to. You aren’t asking them to simply educate themselves, you’re asking them to destroy who they think they are, who their parents and grandparents are. You are asking them to accept their lives are a lie. Let’s be honest, how easily could you do that?

Luke 6:31 “Do unto other as you would have them do unto you” seems applicable here.