Help me out....

Change is inevitable, it happens with us, for us, to us, against us and so on, and on, and on.  I’ve never really minded change, or gave it much thought.  I’ve always had a “roll with it” mentality that has served me well over the years, but nevertheless, the current changes in my life have caused pause, and reflection.

Why do some people resist change so much?  I used to and believe lots of people think it’s just fear, fear due to lack of experience, or fear of losing something the currently have.   I think it might be more than that, a lot more than just fear.  What if it’s mixed with pride?  Fear + Pride, pride in who you are at this moment, pride in the decisions you’ve made, pride in your job, talents, abilities, etc. or Fear + Pride + ignorance + faith?  You work out the combinations, there are bunches.

Lots of change that happens is out of our control, like your favorite boss quitting and going to work somewhere else.  This has recently happened to me, which is probably why this topic is on my mind.  I had an awesome boss, he was good, smart, and honest and told you like it was.  You knew where he stood, and that is rare in the world of covering up, and launching people under the bus to make yourself look good.  The group I work with now has a new manager, and it has been interesting the different adaptations I’ve been witnessing in myself, and my teammates. 

Old Guy is the coolest member in the group and is my Yoda when it comes to remaining calm and going with the flow.  He is ‘Fonzie’ when it comes to adapting to changes.  He is unafraid to jump the shark, and fearless in asking for clarification.  I’m learning a lot from Old Guy.

Then there is Angry Guy.  This struck me as odd, because he wasn’t like that before the manager swap.  He got defensive during meetings where he was asked about his activities, and projects.  He’s bitchy and moody, and complains about the work load.  I don’t understand this one, is it fear of the unknown, is it fear of proving yourself to be the competent one that needs to be in that chair?  I don’t know what the deal is, the new manager is a lot like the old one, and the only difference I can see is she lacks a penis. I personally think that gender is a terrible reason to rate someone.  I hate to think it is because she is a she, but he is in his 50’s, and may have a different perspective on serving under women.  Or is it something else, pride, inflexibility?  I don’t know, maybe you can offer up a reason.

Brings us to New Guy, he started a couple of weeks before our manager left for greener pastures and seems to be ok with it all, but he and I both wonder about Angry Guy.  I have noticed that he has become the group’s peace maker, olive branch provider, between Angry Guy and everyone else.  This may be a trait he had all along, or a response to the changes that have been made, who knows.

Then there is Hidden Guy.  He was always up front, look what I can do type.  Not in a bad way really, just made a point to let you know all the stuff he was doing.  He was just visible, but now he hangs in his cube, comes out for meetings and what not.  Works and calls on others as needed.  I don’t understand this one either.  He doesn’t act depressed or stressed out, when we see him he seems the same as always without the bravado. 

Now I know that all of this is skewed by my perspective on the different situations but still, makes me wonder.  I know in my life I’m going through at least 6 changes, some are super slow, some have been quick, some are constant but it’s funny how each one brings me to different thoughts, different feelings, different conclusions and different questions.  I personally don’t think things happen for a reason, we just find reason in the things that happen and attribute that to someone, or something else.  Like now, as I’m writing this a quote popped into my head, and maybe it’s one of the secrets to adapting…

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.” ~ Marcus Aurelius~

 

Too much wine...

Last night I had a conversation with one of my wife’s bff's husband. He is a good guy, smart and well educated. When we get together we usually talk about father things, grilling, sports, fishing, supporting our kids to explore their environment, if they should play sports or not, education, how to use different ways of positive and negative reinforcement of behavior, etc. He is devoted in going to church and he and his family never miss a Sunday. I usually don’t engage in religious conversations with people who aren’t close friends of mine so that my wife’s relationships aren’t hampered for my atheistic views. But because of too much wine, mixed with a lack of sleep I allowed his religious introjections to be challenged.

Now I could talk about my awesome zingers and attacks on his fallacies of logic. Or I could tell you how I commented on the parts where he contradicted himself, and how there are the same contradictions in the bible. But something hit me, like a ton of bricks, an idea so profound it left me sipping on my wine until my glass was once again an empty container. What was the idea you might be asking yourself? Well it was so simple it is embarrassing, I thought, why, what’s the point of this conversation? Clearly, it wasn’t to gain knowledge, it wasn’t to explore different thoughts and ideas; it wasn’t to engage in different philosophies or gain a deeper path to friendship. So what is the point? Why was I talking about this at all? Why did I give a shit at that moment that my conversational partner was in need of a deity, or a sociological group to hang out with on Sundays, a need to rationalize clear contradictions and/or searching for approval, maybe from me? The short answer is I’m not sure…

I realized I am holding to the resentment of organized religious dogma that consumed my life for so long. My lashing out at him was me lashing out at myself. I gave the same arguments, believed the same things and rationalized a god who had a prosperous plan for my life but was absent from the suffering of millions of fellow humans. I saw myself in him, and it pissed me off.

I’m going to have to work on that…