Help me out....

Change is inevitable, it happens with us, for us, to us, against us and so on, and on, and on.  I’ve never really minded change, or gave it much thought.  I’ve always had a “roll with it” mentality that has served me well over the years, but nevertheless, the current changes in my life have caused pause, and reflection.

Why do some people resist change so much?  I used to and believe lots of people think it’s just fear, fear due to lack of experience, or fear of losing something the currently have.   I think it might be more than that, a lot more than just fear.  What if it’s mixed with pride?  Fear + Pride, pride in who you are at this moment, pride in the decisions you’ve made, pride in your job, talents, abilities, etc. or Fear + Pride + ignorance + faith?  You work out the combinations, there are bunches.

Lots of change that happens is out of our control, like your favorite boss quitting and going to work somewhere else.  This has recently happened to me, which is probably why this topic is on my mind.  I had an awesome boss, he was good, smart, and honest and told you like it was.  You knew where he stood, and that is rare in the world of covering up, and launching people under the bus to make yourself look good.  The group I work with now has a new manager, and it has been interesting the different adaptations I’ve been witnessing in myself, and my teammates. 

Old Guy is the coolest member in the group and is my Yoda when it comes to remaining calm and going with the flow.  He is ‘Fonzie’ when it comes to adapting to changes.  He is unafraid to jump the shark, and fearless in asking for clarification.  I’m learning a lot from Old Guy.

Then there is Angry Guy.  This struck me as odd, because he wasn’t like that before the manager swap.  He got defensive during meetings where he was asked about his activities, and projects.  He’s bitchy and moody, and complains about the work load.  I don’t understand this one, is it fear of the unknown, is it fear of proving yourself to be the competent one that needs to be in that chair?  I don’t know what the deal is, the new manager is a lot like the old one, and the only difference I can see is she lacks a penis. I personally think that gender is a terrible reason to rate someone.  I hate to think it is because she is a she, but he is in his 50’s, and may have a different perspective on serving under women.  Or is it something else, pride, inflexibility?  I don’t know, maybe you can offer up a reason.

Brings us to New Guy, he started a couple of weeks before our manager left for greener pastures and seems to be ok with it all, but he and I both wonder about Angry Guy.  I have noticed that he has become the group’s peace maker, olive branch provider, between Angry Guy and everyone else.  This may be a trait he had all along, or a response to the changes that have been made, who knows.

Then there is Hidden Guy.  He was always up front, look what I can do type.  Not in a bad way really, just made a point to let you know all the stuff he was doing.  He was just visible, but now he hangs in his cube, comes out for meetings and what not.  Works and calls on others as needed.  I don’t understand this one either.  He doesn’t act depressed or stressed out, when we see him he seems the same as always without the bravado. 

Now I know that all of this is skewed by my perspective on the different situations but still, makes me wonder.  I know in my life I’m going through at least 6 changes, some are super slow, some have been quick, some are constant but it’s funny how each one brings me to different thoughts, different feelings, different conclusions and different questions.  I personally don’t think things happen for a reason, we just find reason in the things that happen and attribute that to someone, or something else.  Like now, as I’m writing this a quote popped into my head, and maybe it’s one of the secrets to adapting…

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.” ~ Marcus Aurelius~

 

Note to self...

There are few things worse than being trapped in a spiral of self-defeating habits that gnaw you into compliance. Starting out small, they wormed their way into my daily life, slowly, unassumingly until they became a master and I, a slave. Substance abuse, over eating, cussing, laziness, depression, etc. are all activities I was not born with, but habits that have lead myself to this day.

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." ~M. SCOTT PECK~

In my last four years of discomfort in who I was, what I was becoming, I started the hard task of change. In my continued journey of change, weight loss, husbandry, and parenthood I have come to the realization of certain behaviors, combinations of habits that I created, sustained, and knelt in servitude before are all my fault 100%.

First realization, nutrition is important. I always said to myself, it didn't matter what I ate. Hamburgers, fries, pizza, burrito's, pop, etc. are all just food, my body need food, right? Besides I workout, I'll just burn it off, ya know, tomorrow. When I took an honest look at what I eat, it was painfully obvious I was not getting the proper nutrition my body needs to be at it's optimal weight and health. When don't have the proper nutrition you're tired, and when you're tired you're cranky, and you might not even be aware of it but you are negatively effecting those around you. Your sleep is a direct reflection to your nutrition, you eat crap, you can't sleep worth a crap. There are so many things that seem to take care of themselves when you're putting in your mouth what your body needs, and not what your cravings need.

Second, exercise is important. When I was in the Army, fitness was something I worked at because I had to. It was drilled into me at basic, and my fitness was important for promotions, which is a strong motivator. When I ETS'd from the Army, I also ETS'd from my workout. This was a terrible mistake, but one I made nonetheless. I know now I quit because it was attached to a job. I worked out for the Army's sake, not for me. The hardest is making the time, consistently, to dedicate to exercise. I justified my laziness by telling myself it is a selfish activity that takes time away from my wife, my family, my friends and the activities we wanted to do after work.

Letting yourself go is selfish, to take on the habits of overeating, inactivity and laziness lead to depression and self loathing. What good am I as a husband, a father if I allow myself to develop clogged arteries, joint pain, type 2 diabetes, pulmonary dysfunction, etc, etc. how am I providing when my life span is reduced? You, me, owe it to those we love the most to get off our butt and fix the things that aren't genetic, don't die before you see your kids grow up just because you like beer and brauts, don't let your children inter their adult lives without your guidance and companionship because of a craving for jelly donuts and cheesburgers.

Third, change is important. I did not get to today all at once. I didn't get fat overnight, I didn't become depressed overnight, I didn't form any habit overnight. Change has to happen, there is no magic pill, no prayer, no life coach, trainer or doctor that can erase the lifetime of self destructive habits that everyone carry on their back in one night. Start small, small habits that can impact your health for the better. Change is inward, it can't be taught, it can't be coached, which makes it 100% your choice. You decide, you no one else.

Advocare is an awesome place to start, and has been for me. Through supplementation I now get the proper nutrition into my body which gives me balance, and balance has improved my attitude, my marriage and my life. Going through "Commit 2 Fit "- 8 healthy life habits in 8 weeks is a great plan to use to start creating a healthy lifestyle. Am I where I want to be, do I look the way I want to look, the answer is most definitely no. BUT, I made a change, started down the right path towards living, and isn't that what it's all about? Quality of life, it all takes time, you owe it to yourself and those you love to get right... if you need help, or encouragement, I am here.

"There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing." ~ Brian Tracy~